Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
