No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This baby is an asshole
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
