i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
