This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
