Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
