Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
