last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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