You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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