Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
