Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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