Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
