He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
