my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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