Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize