thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
