Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
