Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
