you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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