Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
