apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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