Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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