if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
