i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
