so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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