saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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