I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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