i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
