last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
