did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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