I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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