i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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