You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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