Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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