Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
