I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
