We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
