It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
