i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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