I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it because I queefed?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He? As in you personified your dick?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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