you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Found the puke drawer
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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