at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
