The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize