I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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