I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
