Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
