I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I fill condoms, not promises.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
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I got inside last night via doggy door
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize