I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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