Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
