AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
