You just made me feel so damn special
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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