I am puke
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
