Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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