Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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