my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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