You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
