then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
