She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
