I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
