from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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