there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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