Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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