My first STD was from a foam party
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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