I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
