Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
