i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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