My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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